He, the bygone

" ... 'love' is a snarled up word itself that has countless interpretations to satisfy countless set of minds. The word itself is flawed; and something that has an infirm foundation is feckless. Though I'm not holding anyone responsible here. Anyhow, going with the notion of love at first sight, *smiles* - it's not a great platform to disclose my lovelife but ...

We stumbled across unexpectedly, and out of a crowd of 12 - 14 she was the one; not because she was the prettiest of 'em all, but 'cause she had a blend of originality and pretense at the same time. The way she talked, the way she carried herself, the way she did everything was something ...

Second time I bumped into her was after a gap of one year, and again it all started from scratch and from then on it was an up curve. The day I layed my eyes on her, till now, I have always liked her. She's been an extremely amazing person.

Anyhow, she was older than me, a year or so, and got married, but of course, not to me. I liked her; I didn't love her, not that I can't breath without her, not that I cried for her. She was just the best girl I ever met.

I know her for years now - and you know,

She's not the girl I dreamed of, but
She's probably the girl I wish I dreamt of.
Sometimes reality could be
A much more pleasant feeling than dreams.
You call this a love experience or anything you desire;

I call it a 'timeless feeling' -
Something that happened but didn't ever exist."

- He, the bygone -

There's more to life than just running around for that 'someone special'.

Pictures

Artwork By: Fabian Perez

Provided By: Ataraxia

I parked my car across Mr. Wright's apartment building and waited. There wasn't much left to do, but eye at his apartment - and wait. Well-suited was not my way of spending the night in a '91 Civic - though I had my coat off and cozied up my collar shirt, but still uncomfortable. It was like back in school when nap was always welcomed even in uniform; though things changed after years. I loved being a little girl, it made me do everything without having to ponder about the consequences.

Night was dark but shades of orange twilight were evident. I loved the quiet silent night right from the day when fear of darkness vanished from inside of me. Even the slightest of move created a blatant sound. I lowered the window and lit a cigarette. I've always smoked for occassions and the moment was swell enough. Soon I started taking big puffs and in no time vision in front of me got smokey.

I stared right through it at the dark sky, the whirl smoke, I felt as being soothe into the wormhole of past-shuddersome-memories. Rise of trance-optic tunes somewhere in my Cerebral Cortex and soon flashy flicks of, once shrouded past, were all that I was dwelled on into. They flashed, flashed and flashed - faster, faster and faster; and 'tuk' as mere drop of pin just brought me back. That numbness was there, I could shiver, with a sweaty forehead. I didn't blink, frightened to close my eyes even for a bit; paralyzed!

It was not the pin that dropped. It was her - the Lady in Black, who impetuously came storming through the bar door which was endlessly creating a racking sound as it slammed back and forth assisted by the wind.

She grubbed a cigarette pack from her purse and pulled one out. Took a lighter, lit it up and with a draggy gait leaned against the cornered side-wall of the street. She was, as if, a bloom in the misty night and a cynosure of everything around her. I kept looking at her as she looked at the silent dead street with great pursuit. Then I realized that she was actually where I am, ...

We were there. Nowhere! She kept looking at the street, and I at her, without a sight of purpose. I finally knew what it was like to be empty - oblivious of all senses. It was an unfathomable truth of life that we are all - mere pictures!